Ocean of Love

A Book Review of Mama's Waves

Mama's Waves
Written by: Chandra Ghosh Ippen
Illustrated by: Erich Ippen Jr. 
Published by: Piplo Productions

Mama's Waves is a book for young children, ages 4-8, who are riding the waves of having a parent with severe emotional difficulties and/or substance abuse. Ellie, the young girl in this story, lives in foster care, but the book is appropriate for children who live with a relative or continue to live with the parent(s). The author, Chandra Ghosh Ippen, is spot-on with her descriptions of the feelings and experiences of children in this situation. The story is told in an empathetic manner providing coping skills and hope for children traumatized by a parent's severe difficulties. 

These severe ups and downs that affect an adult's ability to parent their children are often caused by severe depression, bipolar disorder, other serious mental illness and/or substance abuse. Many of these difficulties may be due to the parent's own trauma experienced when they were a child. Ms. Ippen describes this well through a quote from Ellie's uncle about her mother, as follows: 

          "When we were growing up, things were pretty stormy. Her boat got tossed around
            by waves until the waves became a part of her." 

I have worked extensively with children living in these situations. Through this experience, I have learned that there are very few, if any, parents in this situation that don't love and yearn for their children. However, in many circumstances the children are not safe with them, so they are often removed and placed in a safe environment. In these instances, it is crucial for the child to get the message that the parent is not a bad person, but a person with problems that needs help. It is equally crucial for them to know that their parent loves them and will always love them, whether they are living with them or not. But, that they are unable to care for them due to their problems. One of my favorite quotes from the book explains this beautifully:

          "Your mama's dealing with big waves, but we won't let those waves wash away
           her magic and love." 

It is important to encourage the child to talk about their parent and express their feelings. Ellie's uncle plays a crucial role in this discussion by remembering together the "stormy days" and the "smooth sailing" days. Positive memories are something that the child can treasure forever, so remembering them is very therapeutic. In the book, Ellie remembers the "rainbow cookies" that she made with her mom. This also can provide a hint for the caregiver on activities that they can continue that will promote positive memories and comfort within the child. 

In the story, the foster parent made contact with the uncle to visit the child, as her mother missed their scheduled visit. It is not always possible to meet with other family members, but when it is, it can preserve those important family connections. It is extremely comforting for the child to meet with an appropriate relative that likely may feel the same love, pain and worry that the child does toward their parent. Ellie and her uncle share mutual worry for Ellie's mother and share a hope that she will get help. Kids often worry about their parent when separated, especially if they played a caregiver role to that parent when they were living with them. 

The illustrator, Erich Ippen Jr., portrays strong emotions through the facial expressions of the characters. The colorful sprinkles and rainbows throughout the book give a feeling of hope for the future. 

There are few books available on this all-too-common topic of parental mental illness/substance abuse and separation of the child. This book was published recently and is one of the best ones I have read on the topic. I strongly recommend this book for therapists, case workers, family caregivers and foster parents to provide insight and comfort to young children in this difficult situation. It is a great book to spark conversation regarding the child's specific experience. I have provided an art activity below to help get this conversation started. 

If you are interested in this book or other books by this author, please visit her website here.

Activity Idea for Mama's Waves

Materials Needed: 
​Large piece of paper (I cut mine from a roll)
Pencil
Scissors
Blue watercolor paint
Paint brush-medium
Dark color Markers

Directions:
1. Have child cut large square out of a roll of paper.



​
​


​2. Have child fold paper in half. Adult can draw  half of a heart on the seam side of the paper, taking up the entire paper(see illustration).





​

3. Have child cut out the folded heart. If the child is cutting, you might want to use a more child-friendly scissors!







4. Have child open the heart. Adult can build this up calling it magic!






​
​
5. In pencil, adult can draw waves on heart, very high and very low. Try to fit in at least 4 waves(see illustration). 







6. Have child paint waves and let dry.









​









7. Have child pick a happy color and a sad color from the markers. Make sure the colors are dark enough to show up. 
8. Discuss their memories of sad and scary times with the parent. Write this on bottom of waves for low points. 
9. Discuss their memories of happy and comforting times with the parent. Write these on the top of the waves for high points. 
10. Ask the child why they think you drew the waves inside the heart. Explain to them that their parent, even with their big problems and highs and lows, even if they are not able to take care of them, will always love and care about them and they will always be connected through their hearts. 

12. If you choose, have child draw, on the back of this heart or on a separate sheet of paper, their most special memory with the parent. Let them know that this is a treasure that they can keep in their heart forever and nobody can take this away from them. You can draw a heart around the picture or have them put heart stickers all over the drawing. 

13. For another book and activity to drive this heart connection home, I refer you to my first blog post from February, 2019 utilizing The Invisible String book. 

​