These severe ups and downs that affect an adult's ability to parent their children are often caused by severe depression, bipolar disorder, other serious mental illness and/or substance abuse. Many of these difficulties may be due to the parent's own trauma experienced when they were a child. Ms. Ippen describes this well through a quote from Ellie's uncle about her mother, as follows: 

          "When we were growing up, things were pretty stormy. Her boat got tossed around
            by waves until the waves became a part of her." 

I have worked extensively with children living in these situations. Through this experience, I have learned that there are very few, if any, parents in this situation that don't love and yearn for their children. However, in many circumstances the children are not safe with them, so they are often removed and placed in a safe environment. In these instances, it is crucial for the child to get the message that the parent is not a bad person, but a person with problems that needs help. It is equally crucial for them to know that their parent loves them and will always love them, whether they are living with them or not. But, that they are unable to care for them due to their problems. One of my favorite quotes from the book explains this beautifully:

          "Your mama's dealing with big waves, but we won't let those waves wash away
           her magic and love." 

It is important to encourage the child to talk about their parent and express their feelings. Ellie's uncle plays a crucial role in this discussion by remembering together the "stormy days" and the "smooth sailing" days. Positive memories are something that the child can treasure forever, so remembering them is very therapeutic. In the book, Ellie remembers the "rainbow cookies" that she made with her mom. This also can provide a hint for the caregiver on activities that they can continue that will promote positive memories and comfort within the child. 

In the story, the foster parent made contact with the uncle to visit the child, as her mother missed their scheduled visit. It is not always possible to meet with other family members, but when it is, it can preserve those important family connections. It is extremely comforting for the child to meet with an appropriate relative that likely may feel the same love, pain and worry that the child does toward their parent. Ellie and her uncle share mutual worry for Ellie's mother and share a hope that she will get help. Kids often worry about their parent when separated, especially if they played a caregiver role to that parent when they were living with them. 

The illustrator, Erich Ippen Jr., portrays strong emotions through the facial expressions of the characters. The colorful sprinkles and rainbows throughout the book give a feeling of hope for the future. 

There are few books available on this all-too-common topic of parental mental illness/substance abuse and separation of the child. This book was published recently and is one of the best ones I have read on the topic. I strongly recommend this book for therapists, case workers, family caregivers and foster parents to provide insight and comfort to young children in this difficult situation. It is a great book to spark conversation regarding the child's specific experience. I have provided an art activity below to help get this conversation started. 

If you are interested in this book or other books by this author, please visit her website at  https://piploproductions.com/​

Materials Needed: 
​Large piece of paper (I cut mine from a roll)
Pencil
Scissors
Blue watercolor paint
Paint brush-medium
Dark color Markers

Quinn becomes the commander of his Space Ship, directs his crew (stuffed animals), which gives him a sense of control in a situation in which he feels helpless and scared. Quinn's scary situation is his parent's loud arguing. This book can be helpful to kids in a variety of difficult situations, even if it is coping with their baby brother crying or sensory overload.

The Space Ship is a peaceful place where Quinn can go into his mind to help calm himself and to identify his feelings. The Space Ship is Quinn's haven. This book can encourage readers to use their own imaginations and create their own havens to help them cope. It is helpful for children and adults to pull themselves away from the source of their big feelings temporarily and try to find peace within themselves. It is similar to the concept of a Safe Space in schools where a child goes to a quieter part of the classroom with comforting objects in order to re-group, ponder and get in touch with their feelings. Quinn also tries to draw, which is another great coping mechanism to model to the reader.

In the story, the arguing became so loud and Quinn's feelings became so big, that his coping strategies no longer worked. Eventually, he gathered the strength to confront his parents and express himself about how their yelling was making him feel. This is important as others may not be aware of how their behavior is making you feel unless you tell them. Through the story, the author acknowledges the strength and bravery it takes to confront a situation and express your feelings. 

Expressing feelings is the most important part of this process. When Quinn expressed his feelings, it had the positive effect of making his parents aware and most importantly, getting his needs met. Quinn describes how his feelings are affecting his body, which is a great way for kid's to start to identify their own emotions. For example, "...from the sounds that hurt my ears and make my heart ache." and "...the sounds that make my stomach sick." Identification of feelings based on how it feels in your body is crucial. 

Through her illustrations, Sonia Sánchez gives the reader a sense of turmoil that is experienced  through Quinn. By the end of the story, Ms. Sánchez uses her illustrations to create a sense of calm in the reader. She captures the feelings of the characters very well, which pulls the reader in to the emotion of the story. 

I highly recommend this book for teaching coping skills and the importance of expressing feelings, especially with kids in difficult situations. It can lead to deeper conversations about what the reader experiences in their life, how they can cope and how they can use their skills to gain control over their situations.

I would like to caution readers on a couple of points in the story. Escaping through imagination excessively, without confronting and addressing the feelings, can become a maladaptive strategy to respond to trauma and lead to dissociative symptoms later in life. Additionally, there are trauma situations in which it would not be safe for the child to confront the adults about how they are feeling and could lead to further abuse. In this situation, help the child develop a list of other safe adults they can access for help, if the situation is out of hand and safety issues are prevalent. 

You can access Hallee Adelman's website to purchase her book or check out other books by this author at  https://halleeadelman.com/books/my-quiet-ship.        

Construct a Space Ship with the child as a means to explore events that make them want to escape and to help them identify related feelings. 

These questions may help get the exercise started. 
1. What is Quinn trying to escape from when he takes off in his Space Ship? 
2. What feelings does it give him when his parents argue? 
3. Do you ever feel a need to escape from something that gives you big feelings like Quinn? 
4. What big feelings do you have when that happens? 
5. What would be your best way to escape in your imagination?  
6. What could you do to make others aware of how you feel and to get what you need from them?

Materials Needed:
Empty toilet paper roll
cardstock or construction paper
red/orange tissue paper or construction paper
scissors
silicone or other strong glue
tape
markers or crayons
gems/stickers (optional)

I Am Human sends an important message to all of us, but is most appropriate for children ages 3-8. Susan Verde skillfully weaves many layers into this simple book.

The larger take away is that we are all human. This sounds obvious, but the reality in this world is that is not how we treat each other. We are all human regardless of the color of our skin, different abilities, the country we are from, our religion or if we are from a poorer or richer part of town. We are all connected by our human-ness and are all unique in our own way. This book celebrates the human potential of feeling empathy and compassion toward ourselves and others.

The smaller messages relate to the fact that the human condition is imperfect. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and we should respect those things in ourselves and others. I Am Human is a hopeful book in that it portrays the journey of being human as having challenges and possibilities. We all have feelings that we express in different ways. Part of being human is being afraid of things sometimes or feeling sad occasionally or hurt or angry about something somebody said to you. We have the ability to make choices. We can apologize for our mistakes and try to do better. We can choose to be helpful to others if they are struggling or kind to ourselves. 

The art by Peter H. Reynolds is simple, yet beautiful. It shows the connection between others and hopefulness of the human condition. The book includes a Loving/Kindness Meditation at the end. 

I recommend this book for all children to teach them these human ideals from a young age and give them the reassurance and knowledge that they are part of something bigger and are not alone. It reinforces a sense of community that will help all of us get through difficult times. You can find this book and others in the I AM Series by Susan Verde and Peter H. Reynolds on her website at https://www.susanverde.com/susans-books. 

As an example of showing empathy toward others, I recommend this follow up book that reinforces the joy of helping others.

We are all connected with our human-ness, even though we are all unique in many ways. My suggestion is to pose two questions to your child after reading the book. 
What makes you human? 
What makes you unique? 
Use those ideas to complete the following activity.

Materials needed: 
8.5 x 11 paper or a roll of paper cut to the size of the child
markers or crayons
pencil

Directions: 
If you have a roll of paper that you could have the child lay on and trace them, this would be the funnest way to continue. I don't have a paper roll or a child with me, so I will draw the child on a regular size paper. Either way is fine. 

Pandemic panic aside, anxiety disorders are the most common psychological issue among children. Anxiety has been on the rise in our society for many years.  Anxiety and worry are a normal part of childhood, but it can become more severe in some children. This book, Mindful Bea and the Worry Tree, is excellent for children within the whole spectrum of anxiety, from everyday worries to severe disturbances. This book will help children name and understand their feelings of anxiety as well as learn to cope with it. 

The author, Gail Silver, utilizes a tree as an analogy for anxiety, with beautiful writing as follows: 
"like a seed from underground, it sprouts alive, unleashed, unbound. With knarled roots, this kind of tree feeds on thoughts ..."  The story begins as Bea, in anticipation of her birthday party, is bombarded with thoughts of "What if ..." "What if nobody comes? What if we didn't bake enough cake?" These "what if ..." questions are very common in all of our thoughts when anxiety starts to take hold. 

Through Bea, Ms. Silver does a thorough job in describing the physical sensations in our bodies when we are feeling anxious. This is an important step in helping children recognize and name their feelings, which is crucial to coping. She then takes children through a meditation process, including deep breathing and slowing down thoughts in order to choose what to think about. Repetition of words is used in the text to show Bea slowly calming herself down and quieting her irrational thoughts as she is employing her coping skills. 

Franziska Hollbacher, the illustrator, follows the mood of the story beautifully through her illustrations. Initially the vines of the tree are taking over. Slowly these vines recede and the illustrations become more and more calm and then full of fun energy as the birthday party begins. 

This book includes a Note to Parents, written by a psychologist, which includes helpful information on how to use this book, information on understanding anxiety in children, how parents can help, and when to seek professional help. 

I strongly recommend this book for all children ages 4-8, whether struggling with temporary, everyday worries or with an ongoing anxiety disorder. Check out other books on emotions by Gail Silver at https://gailsilver.com/books-and-more/.

I have included additional resources below and an activity to further help your child with their worries and anxieties. 

Activity
Materials needed: 

pinwheel template https://www.firstpalette.com/printable/pinwheel.html

Paper (cardstock works best)can use colored paper or white
unused pencil with eraser
push pin or tack
scissors
crayons or markers
black marker
glue -strong glue is helpful
bead or small button

My first suggestion is to provide many books to children that include different races of people. Provide a variety that discuss the life hardships of people of color, as well as those that have a main character of a different race, feeling and experiencing the same day-to-day things as they do. The idea being understanding sameness and celebrating difference. 

In the activity below, I have included many ideas for discussion. This is a difficult subject to discuss with children and these are just some ways to approach this sensitive topic. 

Materials Needed
1 brown egg
1 white egg
black marker
2 small bowls
paper towel