You're 5 years old. You're new to this school experience. You're away from your family all day for five days per week, maybe for the first time in your life. Everything feels new to you. You're very excited about your new Elsa backpack and matching light-up school shoes. But, maybe a little nervous, scared and unsure of what this school thing is going to be like. You're paying close attention to the adults and the environment to make sure it's a safe place for you. You really like your teacher. She is very kind and funny. After the first couple weeks of school, you're just starting to feel like you can trust her and that this is a safe place. After all, your parents wouldn't send you here unless it was safe, right?

Then one day a loud sound goes off in the hallway that hurts your ears. The teacher says not to worry that this is just a practice lockdown drill. She tells you that the whole school has to practice this drill in case a dangerous person comes into the building and tries to harm everyone. But, don't worry she says, "the likelihood of this happening at our school is very small." She locks the door to the classroom, turns off the lights, maybe puts a barricade in front of the door, instructs you on where to hide, and stresses that you must not make a sound. By the tone of the teacher's voice, you can tell that this is very serious and that you better listen and do what she says. You stay in that hiding place for what seems like an hour, but is probably only a few minutes until you hear the announcement that the lockdown drill is over. Then you are instructed to get back to your schoolwork. ​

After putting yourself in those light-up Elsa shoes, how do you feel? As a 5 year old, does even the slim possibility of a bad guy coming into your school terrify you to your core? Especially when you are not around your caregivers that you trust to protect you? Did you even hear or understand the part when the teacher said this is not likely to happen? Do you feel confident that you have the capability to sit still for an unknown period of time and not make a sound? What if you sneeze,  get the hiccups, have to go to the bathroom, or giggle when your friend does something silly? Will the bad guy get you then? After all that happens, are you able to go right back to your letter sound paper and be able to think of which pictures start with that letter? Are you wondering now where your mom is and why she sent you to this place where bad guys come? Are you wondering now if this school place is safe, after all? 

In 2019, 95% of public schools and many private schools practice mandatory lockdown drills. The methods for lockdown vary widely, with some methods being more traumatizing than others. But, make no mistake, ALL methods are damaging to our children. Anxiety in young children is at an all-time high and these procedures are exacerbating this issue. Besides young children, children with trauma histories and special needs are especially vulnerable to trauma from these procedures. 

As a therapist, my usual mode of handling difficult explanations with young children, is to be honest and provide just enough information that they can developmentally understand and process. However, this lockdown situation feels different to me. I feel that just the vague and simple explanation of the possibility of a bad guy entering the school and hurting them is inappropriate and unduly frightening to young children. Therefore, I feel that an age-appropriate fantasy situation in order to review this mandatory procedure with them is appropriate.   

​A friend of mine and kindergarten teacher, Alicia Stenard, put on her light-up Elsa shoes and struggled to perform these mandatory drills with her students. She became very concerned that their first experiences with school were going to be scary ones and that her precious, young students would experience fear and anxiety, even after school. Due to this concern, she came up with an idea to minimize the trauma for her students. She took into account the playfulness and imagination of children of this age and made up a story to get her students through these drills. This way, she was able to perform the mandatory functions of the lockdown drill without telling the "Why?" of the drills, which they are too young to process. Ms. Stenard found so much success in using this process with her students, she decided to publish her story, The Elephant in the Room, as a means of helping other teachers, school staff and parents protect their students from this traumatic experience. 

In this adorable story, Ms. Stenard tells a tale of a circus train that gets flat tires in front of a school. The animals escape from their cages and barge into the school. They are hungry and want to steal the children's peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. After all, the children are celebrating National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day and of course, elephants and monkeys LOVE peanuts! The children are then instructed to go through the procedures of a lockdown drill to prevent the animals from stealing their sandwiches. Eventually, the clowns are able to lure the animals back into the circus train and all is well. The illustations done by Mr. Matusic are charming and fun! Through this story, Ms. Stenard is able to review the components of a lockdown drill in an age-appropriate manner, without frightening the children.  
 
This important book is a MUST HAVE for ALL teachers and parents of students in primary elementary grades. I encourage teachers to read it aloud in their classrooms and use it as a tool to perform their lockdown drills. I recommend this book to parents who feel helpless as their children have to endure this traumatic experience at school. It can be useful, even if not used in their school, to provide an entertaining alternative that children can imagine during the school lockdowns. I encourage all parents to advocate the use of this book to their children's teachers and school administrators to help protect our children form further trauma. I look forward to the day when we, as a society, can move forward on a solution to end gun violence in our schools and the need for these drills, and this book, is totally eliminated. 

Mr. Matusik and Ms. Stenard have developed an activity book that can be used as an addition to a lesson plan for lockdown drills to go along with the readings of The Elephant in the Room. To learn more about the issue of lockdown drills and how these resources can help, check out the author's website at https://aliciastenard.com/.

​The book is available for purchase at 
https://www.amazon.com/Elephant-Room-Lockdown-Story/dp/1733992960/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1576190813&sr=8-2

The book, I Said No! focuses on sexual abuse prevention. It is a useful book to address this important topic for kids who have or have not experienced sexual abuse. It's appropriate for kids ages 3-9. I Said No!  is an excellent resource for parents and kids as it thoroughly reviews topics pertinent to protecting yourself from sexual abuse and opens up topics for further discussion. It can help young victims feel they are not alone and stresses the importance of "telling."  I Said No! is narrated by a child so it is a kid-friendly read. The authors are a son/mother team, Zach and Kimberly King, who were brave and generous enough to share their experience to help others.

​​This book in its entirety can be overwhelming, so it is best to read a section at a time. It is very important for parents to discuss the topics of this book with their kids after each section to open up communication. It is crucial to help your child feel comfortable discussing uncomfortable topics with you.

Private parts are described in the book as anything under your underwear. In my practice, I use  bathing suits to describe which parts are private. Either is fine. Prior to this, however, I use unclothed, anatomically correct pictures of boys and girls bodies and have the child name all body parts, including the private ones. This gives me the opportunity to learn the family names for their private parts.

One thing I would add to this book is the importance of teaching the child the "doctor's names" or anatomically correct names for private parts. It is very important for children to have the language to communicate if someone does touch them inappropriately. Everyone does not know the meaning of a "coochie" or a "piddle widdle!" 

After naming the body parts, we discuss what parts are private and the importance of keeping those parts private. I then have the child design and draw a bathing suit on the figures to make sure their private parts are private!!

The book goes on to explain the exceptions of when it's appropriate for a parent, caregiver, or doctor to touch their private parts and introduces the concept of green and red flags. This is a helpful way to discuss appropriate and inappropriate touch with children. I have used this analogy with children for years and it is very easy for them to understand. Children understand that green light mean "GO" and red light mean "STOP" at a very early age, so they pick this concept up easily. To clarify, a green flag means all is safe and comfortable. A red flag means STOP, there is danger. I presented an activity idea below to reinforce these concepts that is fun for kids.  

I Said No! familiarizes children with common manipulations of "red flag" people including using treats, gifts, bribes, lies, and threats. This helps children understand when an adult may be trying to manipulate them so they can be more prepared. 

Keeping secrets is another topic addressed, which is very important as most sexual abuse goes unreported. Children often don't tell anyone because they think it is their fault, or think that they may get in trouble. The perpetrator may have told them that this is "their secret." It's important to help them understand that telling makes it stop. They should keep telling until someone listens! The authors stress that there should be no secrets between you and your parents or adults you trust.

In my practice, I find that this "secret" concept can be confusing for kids so I help them differentiate between a surprise and a secret. I provide some examples of the differences and play a game so they can practice knowing the difference. For example, if they go shopping with Daddy and buy a present for Mommy, and Daddy says "Shhh! This is our secret, don't tell mommy." This is a "surprise." This is okay-A GREEN FLAG! If a babysitter watches a movie with them where people are naked and says "Shhh! This is our secret, don't tell your mommy." That is a "secret" and NOT okay-A RED FLAG!
​
The authors present many scenarios of potential abuse and review with the child how to handle each scenario. This is an exceptionally helpful part of the book. To add to this section, I do much role playing and rehearsing with kids. I teach assertiveness skills and practice with kids how to say "NO!" like they mean it. We practice making eye contact, saying "NO!" loudly and clearly, running away and telling a trusted adult. 

I highly recommend this book for parents(or therapists)to empower children to STOP abuse in it's tracks. The authors provide many additional resources on sexual abuse and prevention. Check it out!

Check out the author's website at www.isaidno.info and subscribe to her newsletter for more information on sexual abuse prevention. 
​
For therapists specifically, check out www.bouldenpublishing.com for other therapeutic books and activities on a wide range of topics. 

This activity is one I have done for years with clients and it has reinforced the above ideas well. This is a topic and an activity that can and should be repeated often as a frequent reminder of personal safety. It is best to do this activity during the part of this book that introduces red and green flag touch and presents scenarios. 

Special thanks to Susanna Hill, and the many prize donors, for sponsoring the Halloweensie contest! This contest challenges writers to create a story in 100 words using the words cobweb, trick and potion! No easy feat! Here is my crack at it! Happy Halloween!!

COBWEBS
By Vasilia Graboski
 
​ 
Cobwebs, the bat, stalks bugs.
Witches and ghosts roam below.
 
 “TRICK OR TREAT!”
CANDY?
 
 I LOVE CANDY!
Cobwebs trails the ghosts.
“TRICK OR TREAT!”
 
“AAAAHHHHH!  BAT!” SLAM!
 
“TRICK OR TREAT!”
Cobwebs flies INTO the house.
 
“AAAAHHHH!!”
The witch slams the broom toward Cobwebs. BAM!
 
Trick or Treating is not for me!
 
But CANDY!  Gummy Worms!
“TRICK OR TREAT?”
 
“AAAAHHHH! BAT!” 
Candy flies EVERYWHERE! A sucker hits Cobwebs.
 
PLOP!
“AAAAHHHHH! DEAD BAT!”
 
Cobwebs awakens.
I need magic potion to make me less scary.
 
Maybe a costume?
Cobweb flies into a bird’s nest.
 
“TWICK OR TWEET!”
GUMMY WORMS!
EXCITEMENT!! Feathers fly EVERYWHERE!

ADHD is the most commonly diagnosed Behavior Disorder in children under 18 years of age. It is also the most over-diagnosed disorder, as many disorders of childhood present with similar symptoms. Hyperactivity, distractibility and impulsiveness can be present in many other disorders including Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Anxiety Disorders,  Autism and budding Bipolar Disorder. Therefore, it is important to obtain an evaluation by a mental health professional who explores the child's developmental and family history. The professional should also obtain detailed feedback from parents and teachers, along with doing careful observations of the child. ​

Despite the complications of diagnosis, ADHD is real and creates much difficulty for the child at home, in the classroom, and often, in the community. ADHD frequently overlaps with other disorders including Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Learning Disabilities, Sensory Processing Disorders, Anxiety and Conduct Disorder. This is another reason it is difficult to diagnose as there are often multiple things going on. 

One of the most common side effects with children with ADHD that I have noticed in my practice, is the repeated negativity they receive in all settings. Their behaviors can be very trying on adult caregivers and teachers which often leads to significant negative feedback. They often become scapegoated by their peers and are often in trouble. This leads to poor self-esteem in addition to all of the other issues. ​This book goes a long way in helping that issue as it celebrates the positive attributes of children with ADHD.

Izzy, the main character, presents with many problems in the classroom, including getting hyper-focused on a thought, difficulty focusing on the current discussion, an inability to sit still, making distracting noises such as tapping foot, drumming fingers, snapping her hair clip, humming, etc. She also climbs on her desk and while doing so, all of her books crash to the floor disrupting the whole class. Many parents and teachers can relate to observing these behaviors!

However, there was a problem in the classroom with the pet rabbit's food disappearing and this is what Izzy cannot get off her mind. Due to her good problem solving skills, a very strong working memory, and a particularly strong interest in the missing food, Izzy is able to be a leader with problem solving and presents as the classroom hero as she is able to solve the mystery of the rabbit food thief! Her great memory and problem solving skills are her SUPERPOWERS.

This is an excellent book for kids with ADHD to read to gain awareness of their ADHD issues. The main takeaway from the book is to point out that ADHD kids, like all kids,  have many strengths and can contribute a great deal of positive to the world around them. These strengths need to be acknowledged and highlighted. Dr. Alloway offers a Note to Parents/Teachers at the end of the book providing much information on ADHD. She also provides Discussion Points for the reader to help kids increase their comprehension and personal awareness.

The Classroom Mystery; a book about ADHD is part of the Superpowers Series celebrating positive traits associated with common Special Educational Needs. All of the books in this series are printed in "dyslexia-friendly fonts" to make it easier for children with learning disabilities to read. Three other books in this series are being released soon by this author. Check out her website at https://tracyalloway.com!

For more information on ADHD, a great resource to refer to is http://www.chadd.com. 
​

After reading the book, why not have kids identify their own SUPERPOWERS?!  Making a SUPERHERO PUPPET would make this exercise especially fun! This activity can be beneficial for all children, not only children diagnosed with ADHD.

Materials needed:
paper bag
mask template
white cardstock
construction paper or cardstock-various colors
crayons/markers
black marker
scissors
glue​

I wrote the poem below for the Fall Frenzy Writing Contest and decided to share as I was hoping it might touch the hearts of other parents. I was inspired to write this poem by the image below. It is about separation between parent and child. A universal process that I feel is both the most beautiful and most painful part of parenting. It begins as the child starts to walk and move away from the parent and continues through young adulthood and beyond. Sometimes, as parents, we lose sight of the fact that separation and individuation are the goal of parenting. Luckily, we can count on those kids for continual, sometimes unpleasant, reminders!

​BIG THANKS  to Kaitlyn Leann Sanchez and Lydia Lukidis for organizing this amazing contest for the kid lit community. Special thanks to all of the generous donors for contributing their time, expertise and books to this fun Fall event!

​

Child of Mine
By Vasilia Graboski
 
  Child of Mine
I am your strength.
I am your foundation;
your roots.
 
You will grow.
You will change.
You will become yourself;
Flowing and fluttering in your own way.
Becoming you.
A Beautiful soul.
 
 Life will change you in many ways.
Sometimes it may feel harsh.
Life’s events may take pieces of you;
Make holes that you don’t desire.
Make you ragged in shape.
But you will still be you.
Beautiful you.
 
Over time, you will separate from me;
Slowly move away.
I will no longer be able to protect you
With my cover.
You will fly on your own.
But, pieces of me will be inside of you for always;
 to help guide your way.
 
Never forget where you came from;
the love and caring deep inside you.
Your foundation is strong.
It will flutter and flow with you
Wherever you may land.
 
 Child of Mine
Let the wind take you
Where you are destined to go.
Wander, explore, evolve,
I will always be there;
The foundation inside you.
 
Oh, child of mine,
I don’t want you to go.
But you must.
Now is your time.
Flutter, drift, glide, swirl, tumble, roll, emerge and
Soar through this great world.