Welcome back to my blog for 2020!!! First things first. It is my Blog Birthday this month! It has been one year since I started this new endeavor. In honor of my Blog Birthday, I have christened my blog with the name of "Psyched Writer." This seemed appropriate for my overall website and the content of my blog.  Why, you ask? I am super PSYCHED about reading, writing and reviewing Children's books with PSYCH content.  My background is in PSYCH and I am super PSYCHED that you have joined me on this adventure. Please comment below if you have any comments or ideas for blog posts in 2020. Thanks for being here! Now, moving on to the first post of 2020 . . .

However, eventually children need to get ahold of those BIG feelings and learn to regulate themselves and express those feelings in more socially acceptable ways. If they don't, they will likely have a lifetime of struggles. That is where our job as parents, therapist and teachers comes in. This book, A Feel Better Book for Little Tempers, is a great tool to help us with what seems like, at times, an insurmountable task. 

The sing-songy rhyme and fun, simple, writing style make this book appropriate for even the youngest of temper throwers! My favorite thing about the structure of this book is that it uses the point of view of what writers(and actors) call "breaking the fourth wall." This means that the authors are talking directly to the reader. This technique draws children into the story and encourages them to participate. This writing style is very useful for this book as it encourages children to talk about their anger and practice the calming techniques. This book is appropriate for young children ages 3 - 6. 

The illustrator, Shirley Ng-Benitez, has created colorful, vivid illustrations that also pull the youngest readers into the book. The feel of the illustrations are calming, but active, which is exactly what needs to be expressed through this book. She created strong facial expressions on the characters which will help young readers with the important skill of recognizing feelings on others. 

Through this book, Holly Brochmann and Leah Bowen, have done a wonderful job in covering all the bases of helping children with their angry feelings. The following concepts are covered in the book:

     1. A description of what it may feel like in your body when you are angry.
                 "...your ears are quite hot and your cheeks are all red." 

    2. A definition of temper with very helpful illustrations that further clarify the explanation.

     3. Examples of specific behaviors the child may use to express their angry feelings.
                  "You try stomping your feet, maybe a scream or a shout..."

      4. Validation and normalization of the feelings of anger.
                 "...It's not only you who has tantrums to throw."

     5. Age appropriate suggestions of calming techniques, including movement, sensory pressure       (giving yourself a hug), muscle relaxation, deep breathing, etc. The suggestions include physical        activity along with imagery which is very useful. 

A Feel Better Book for Little Tempers reinforces that it is okay to get angry if you know how to express it appropriately. It is written in a gentle, supportive manner that gives little ones the message that they are not alone with their anger and an adult is there to help them.
                 "...Let's practice together, just you and I."     

The authors empower young readers with the message that they have the ability to take charge of their anger. It shows a sense of pride among the children in the book when they practice the skills.  

The child likely will not be receptive to this book in the throws of a temper. We sure don't want the book to go flying across the room or have pages ripped out! My suggestion in utilizing this book is to read it regularly when the child is calm. Therefore, when the child does become angry, they are prepared and familiar with what to do. Reminding them and working with them when angry on the strategies presented in this book will go much better if they have the knowledge behind them. 

With all the above in mind, there is one crucial technique in helping a child with BIG feelings. 
That is to name the feeling(s), help the child explain why they are having that feeling, and validate it. This simple technique goes a long way in helping to calm little ones and to teach them about their feelings. By the way, this is very helpful for adults as well!

The book includes a Note to Parents and Caregivers which is very thorough and helpful in understanding and dealing with a child's temper. I have included an activity below to reinforce the concepts in this book. 

To learn more about these authors and other Feel Better Books in this series, check out this link to read an interview. ​https://maginationpress.apabooks.org/?p=1254

This book provides valuable strategies for young readers to help control their BIG feelings. It will be helpful for the adult to practice these strategies together with the child often. It is also a great idea to model using these strategies in front of your kids when you, yourself, become angry. 

A technique I have used often in my practice with young children is to utilize role playing techniques to practice important skills. This is like "pretending" and very enjoyable for young children. But first, we need to make a visual aid together. 

Materials Needed:
Stop sign template http://www.supercoloring.com/coloring-pages/stop-sign
Sturdy card stock paper
Scissors
Markers or crayons
Glue
craft stick

You're 5 years old. You're new to this school experience. You're away from your family all day for five days per week, maybe for the first time in your life. Everything feels new to you. You're very excited about your new Elsa backpack and matching light-up school shoes. But, maybe a little nervous, scared and unsure of what this school thing is going to be like. You're paying close attention to the adults and the environment to make sure it's a safe place for you. You really like your teacher. She is very kind and funny. After the first couple weeks of school, you're just starting to feel like you can trust her and that this is a safe place. After all, your parents wouldn't send you here unless it was safe, right?

Then one day a loud sound goes off in the hallway that hurts your ears. The teacher says not to worry that this is just a practice lockdown drill. She tells you that the whole school has to practice this drill in case a dangerous person comes into the building and tries to harm everyone. But, don't worry she says, "the likelihood of this happening at our school is very small." She locks the door to the classroom, turns off the lights, maybe puts a barricade in front of the door, instructs you on where to hide, and stresses that you must not make a sound. By the tone of the teacher's voice, you can tell that this is very serious and that you better listen and do what she says. You stay in that hiding place for what seems like an hour, but is probably only a few minutes until you hear the announcement that the lockdown drill is over. Then you are instructed to get back to your schoolwork. ​

After putting yourself in those light-up Elsa shoes, how do you feel? As a 5 year old, does even the slim possibility of a bad guy coming into your school terrify you to your core? Especially when you are not around your caregivers that you trust to protect you? Did you even hear or understand the part when the teacher said this is not likely to happen? Do you feel confident that you have the capability to sit still for an unknown period of time and not make a sound? What if you sneeze,  get the hiccups, have to go to the bathroom, or giggle when your friend does something silly? Will the bad guy get you then? After all that happens, are you able to go right back to your letter sound paper and be able to think of which pictures start with that letter? Are you wondering now where your mom is and why she sent you to this place where bad guys come? Are you wondering now if this school place is safe, after all? 

In 2019, 95% of public schools and many private schools practice mandatory lockdown drills. The methods for lockdown vary widely, with some methods being more traumatizing than others. But, make no mistake, ALL methods are damaging to our children. Anxiety in young children is at an all-time high and these procedures are exacerbating this issue. Besides young children, children with trauma histories and special needs are especially vulnerable to trauma from these procedures. 

As a therapist, my usual mode of handling difficult explanations with young children, is to be honest and provide just enough information that they can developmentally understand and process. However, this lockdown situation feels different to me. I feel that just the vague and simple explanation of the possibility of a bad guy entering the school and hurting them is inappropriate and unduly frightening to young children. Therefore, I feel that an age-appropriate fantasy situation in order to review this mandatory procedure with them is appropriate.   

​A friend of mine and kindergarten teacher, Alicia Stenard, put on her light-up Elsa shoes and struggled to perform these mandatory drills with her students. She became very concerned that their first experiences with school were going to be scary ones and that her precious, young students would experience fear and anxiety, even after school. Due to this concern, she came up with an idea to minimize the trauma for her students. She took into account the playfulness and imagination of children of this age and made up a story to get her students through these drills. This way, she was able to perform the mandatory functions of the lockdown drill without telling the "Why?" of the drills, which they are too young to process. Ms. Stenard found so much success in using this process with her students, she decided to publish her story, The Elephant in the Room, as a means of helping other teachers, school staff and parents protect their students from this traumatic experience. 

In this adorable story, Ms. Stenard tells a tale of a circus train that gets flat tires in front of a school. The animals escape from their cages and barge into the school. They are hungry and want to steal the children's peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. After all, the children are celebrating National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day and of course, elephants and monkeys LOVE peanuts! The children are then instructed to go through the procedures of a lockdown drill to prevent the animals from stealing their sandwiches. Eventually, the clowns are able to lure the animals back into the circus train and all is well. The illustations done by Mr. Matusic are charming and fun! Through this story, Ms. Stenard is able to review the components of a lockdown drill in an age-appropriate manner, without frightening the children.  
 
This important book is a MUST HAVE for ALL teachers and parents of students in primary elementary grades. I encourage teachers to read it aloud in their classrooms and use it as a tool to perform their lockdown drills. I recommend this book to parents who feel helpless as their children have to endure this traumatic experience at school. It can be useful, even if not used in their school, to provide an entertaining alternative that children can imagine during the school lockdowns. I encourage all parents to advocate the use of this book to their children's teachers and school administrators to help protect our children from further trauma. I look forward to the day when we, as a society, can move forward on a solution to end gun violence in our schools and the need for these drills, and this book, is totally eliminated. 

Mr. Matusik and Ms. Stenard have developed an activity book that can be used as an addition to a lesson plan for lockdown drills to go along with the readings of The Elephant in the Room. To learn more about the issue of lockdown drills and how these resources can help, check out the author's website at https://aliciastenard.com/.

​The book is available for purchase at 
https://www.amazon.com/Elephant-Room-Lockdown-Story/dp/1733992960/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1576190813&sr=8-2

The book, I Said No! focuses on sexual abuse prevention. It is a useful book to address this important topic for kids who have or have not experienced sexual abuse. It's appropriate for kids ages 3-9. I Said No!  is an excellent resource for parents and kids as it thoroughly reviews topics pertinent to protecting yourself from sexual abuse and opens up topics for further discussion. It can help young victims feel they are not alone and stresses the importance of "telling."  I Said No! is narrated by a child so it is a kid-friendly read. The authors are a son/mother team, Zach and Kimberly King, who were brave and generous enough to share their experience to help others.

​​This book in its entirety can be overwhelming, so it is best to read a section at a time. It is very important for parents to discuss the topics of this book with their kids after each section to open up communication. It is crucial to help your child feel comfortable discussing uncomfortable topics with you.

Private parts are described in the book as anything under your underwear. In my practice, I use  bathing suits to describe which parts are private. Either is fine. Prior to this, however, I use unclothed, anatomically correct pictures of boys and girls bodies and have the child name all body parts, including the private ones. This gives me the opportunity to learn the family names for their private parts.

One thing I would add to this book is the importance of teaching the child the "doctor's names" or anatomically correct names for private parts. It is very important for children to have the language to communicate if someone does touch them inappropriately. Everyone does not know the meaning of a "coochie" or a "piddle widdle!" 

After naming the body parts, we discuss what parts are private and the importance of keeping those parts private. I then have the child design and draw a bathing suit on the figures to make sure their private parts are private!!

The book goes on to explain the exceptions of when it's appropriate for a parent, caregiver, or doctor to touch their private parts and introduces the concept of green and red flags. This is a helpful way to discuss appropriate and inappropriate touch with children. I have used this analogy with children for years and it is very easy for them to understand. Children understand that green light mean "GO" and red light mean "STOP" at a very early age, so they pick this concept up easily. To clarify, a green flag means all is safe and comfortable. A red flag means STOP, there is danger. I presented an activity idea below to reinforce these concepts that is fun for kids.  

I Said No! familiarizes children with common manipulations of "red flag" people including using treats, gifts, bribes, lies, and threats. This helps children understand when an adult may be trying to manipulate them so they can be more prepared. 

Keeping secrets is another topic addressed, which is very important as most sexual abuse goes unreported. Children often don't tell anyone because they think it is their fault, or think that they may get in trouble. The perpetrator may have told them that this is "their secret." It's important to help them understand that telling makes it stop. They should keep telling until someone listens! The authors stress that there should be no secrets between you and your parents or adults you trust.

In my practice, I find that this "secret" concept can be confusing for kids so I help them differentiate between a surprise and a secret. I provide some examples of the differences and play a game so they can practice knowing the difference. For example, if they go shopping with Daddy and buy a present for Mommy, and Daddy says "Shhh! This is our secret, don't tell mommy." This is a "surprise." This is okay-A GREEN FLAG! If a babysitter watches a movie with them where people are naked and says "Shhh! This is our secret, don't tell your mommy." That is a "secret" and NOT okay-A RED FLAG!
​
The authors present many scenarios of potential abuse and review with the child how to handle each scenario. This is an exceptionally helpful part of the book. To add to this section, I do much role playing and rehearsing with kids. I teach assertiveness skills and practice with kids how to say "NO!" like they mean it. We practice making eye contact, saying "NO!" loudly and clearly, running away and telling a trusted adult. 

I highly recommend this book for parents(or therapists)to empower children to STOP abuse in it's tracks. The authors provide many additional resources on sexual abuse and prevention. Check it out!

Check out the author's website at www.isaidno.info and subscribe to her newsletter for more information on sexual abuse prevention. 
​
For therapists specifically, check out www.bouldenpublishing.com for other therapeutic books and activities on a wide range of topics. 

This activity is one I have done for years with clients and it has reinforced the above ideas well. This is a topic and an activity that can and should be repeated often as a frequent reminder of personal safety. It is best to do this activity during the part of this book that introduces red and green flag touch and presents scenarios. 

Special thanks to Susanna Hill, and the many prize donors, for sponsoring the Halloweensie contest! This contest challenges writers to create a story in 100 words using the words cobweb, trick and potion! No easy feat! Here is my crack at it! Happy Halloween!!

COBWEBS
By Vasilia Graboski
 
​ 
Cobwebs, the bat, stalks bugs.
Witches and ghosts roam below.
 
 “TRICK OR TREAT!”
CANDY?
 
 I LOVE CANDY!
Cobwebs trails the ghosts.
“TRICK OR TREAT!”
 
“AAAAHHHHH!  BAT!” SLAM!
 
“TRICK OR TREAT!”
Cobwebs flies INTO the house.
 
“AAAAHHHH!!”
The witch slams the broom toward Cobwebs. BAM!
 
Trick or Treating is not for me!
 
But CANDY!  Gummy Worms!
“TRICK OR TREAT?”
 
“AAAAHHHH! BAT!” 
Candy flies EVERYWHERE! A sucker hits Cobwebs.
 
PLOP!
“AAAAHHHHH! DEAD BAT!”
 
Cobwebs awakens.
I need magic potion to make me less scary.
 
Maybe a costume?
Cobweb flies into a bird’s nest.
 
“TWICK OR TWEET!”
GUMMY WORMS!
EXCITEMENT!! Feathers fly EVERYWHERE!