Vasilia Graboski
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Psyched Writer

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This blog is a resource for fellow therapists, parents and teachers. I will provide suggestions and reviews of books that I have found especially therapeutic and useful for various social-emotional issues.  And...my favorite part...I will provide accompanying activities related to the book to help with teaching social-emotional skills.

​I would love for you to check it out and give me your feedback. 

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The Crown Jewels of Your Kingdom

1/14/2021

4 Comments

 

A Book Review of The Princess and the Fog

The Princess and the Fog
A Story for Children with Depression

Written and Illustrated by: Lloyd Jones
Published by: Jessica Kingsley Publishers

I chose to review the book, The Princess and The Fog - A Story for Children with Depression,  this month as it seems pertinent. It's approaching almost a year since the pandemic hit most of our lives, and although there is light at the end of the tunnel with the vaccine, we are still deep into the pandemic fog. Our lives have changed in many ways that affect our quality of life and therefore our moods. And yes, this affects our little Princes and Princesses too. 
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Many kids are not in school, so they are missing out on live social contacts with peers and supportive teachers. They have often been restricted from seeing grandparents and other significant family members and have been spending more time in the house and without many outlets of sports or community activities. Many may have sustained significant loss due to the death or long-term hospitalization of a family member due to Covid. Additionally, children often mirror the feelings of their parents (no pressure here!). Parents may be moody and irritable due to their balancing of responsibilities of teaching their kids while working from home, lack of social contact and family support. There also has been much political upheaval recently and in the past year(s) that affects parents, and in turn, affects their children. 

Depression can be triggered in children as an understandable response to disruption in their relationships and routines. Short periods of sadness in response to difficult situations are common. However, if the depression lasts for longer periods of time and becomes severe, it is important to seek help for the child. Depression runs in families and can also come on for no apparent reason and become quite severe. 

Through the text and brilliant illustrations in his book, The Princess and the Fog, Lloyd Jones approaches this tough topic in an enjoyable and child-friendly manner. He lightens up the mood with many humorous illustrations. The "fog" and "black clouds" are used  as  metaphors for depression, which is tangible and easier for children to understand.

The book covers symptoms of depression, such as:
-Feeling alone
-slow(low energy), tired
-sadness
-trouble concentrating or doing the simplest things
-anhedonia, which is the loss of interest in the things a person loves to do

In addition to the symptoms addressed in the book, other symptoms of depression in children include: 
-withdrawal
-changes in appetite and/or sleep
-tearfulness
-low self-esteem
-irritability
-physical complaints, such as stomachaches and headaches. 

Many coping mechanisms are also presented in the book, which include:
-Talking to others
-Setting daily challenges
-doing things that make you happy
-therapy
-possible medication -in severe cases
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The most important coping strategy prevalent throughout the book is the accessing of your support system, or as I call them, The Crown Jewels of Your Kingdom.

This book is appropriate for children ages 4-9 who are suffering from short periods of sadness or a more long-term issue with depression. The content would be helpful for kids who have a family member who experiences depression as a way to gain insight. The Princess and the Fog is also appropriate for all children to learn and recognize the signs and how to cope as "the fog" might enter their kingdom at some point. It provides insights for parents into the symptoms of depression in children and how to help them cope. Additionally, there is a guide for parents at the end of the book written by a psychologist with helpful information. 


This book is available for purchase on Amazon here. I have provided a related activity idea below to help children further explore this issue. 

Activity Idea for The Princess and the Fog

After reading the book, discuss the symptoms of depression and inquire whether the child has ever felt that way. Talk about sad times they may have had in the past or present. Discuss what the princess did to feel better and who helped her. Name the support people or crown jewels in the princess' life. 

In this month's activity, we are going to explore THE CROWN JEWELS OF OUR KINGDOM. What do I mean by crown jewels? Crown jewels are those very special people in your life(or kingdom) that you know you can depend on. The people who are there for you when you need something. They are people that will listen when you talk to them and take what you say seriously. Who are the crown jewels of your kingdom? 

For the project today, we are going to make a crown with the jewels from our own kingdom! 
Materials needed: 
-Crown template - ​click here to access
-cardstock or heavier paper
-small pictures of support people-if available (optional)
-scissors
-glue (I mostly used silicone glue for faster and stronger hold)
-markers
-jewels, buttons or stickers
Directions:
1. Discuss the crown jewels of the child's kingdom and make a list.

2. Print out and cut small pictures of the people
on the list (if available). I used a round paper punch to cut, but a scissors is fine. 






3. Print out crown (access under materials above) on heavy paper or on computer paper to use as a template ​as I did.
Important: If you are using as a template, print one copy. If you're printing directly on paper that you are using for the crown, print out 3 copies.


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​4. Cut out template and trace onto cardstock 3 times.
OR Just cut out your crown on the paper you are using. 





​5. Overlap the end points of crown and glue pieces together.  Wrap around and measure to child's head to make sure it fits. Do not glue the last point to make it round yet. Keep it flat for now.






6. Glue pictures of the crown jewels (support people) on each point of the crown.







​7. If you don't have access to pictures, 
write the names of the support people on each point. 

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8. Decorate how the child would like! I used jewels, but you can use stickers, old buttons, child can draw, etc. 















9. Wrap around and glue last point to crown, overlapping the end points. 







10. Finished Project!








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​11. Have Fun!! 

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4 Comments

Get Out of My Brain!

11/20/2020

2 Comments

 

A Book Review of Catching Thoughts

Catching Thoughts
Written by: Bonnie Clark
Illustrated by: Summer Macon
Published by: Beaming Books

Catching Thoughts is an excellent book to introduce the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) concept of  restructuring to young children. This is the idea of taking a negative thought process and flipping it to a positive one. Children who learn this concept at an early age, will have a head start on emotional health as they grow. They will learn to take control of their thoughts in order to empower themselves. Negative self-talk is often what leads to poor self-esteem, depression, anxiety and other issues. 
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Catching Thoughts is an empowering picture book for children ages 4 - 8. The author, Bonnie Clark, introduces thoughts using a balloon analogy, which helps children think more tangibly about this abstract concept. The main character starts out with "just a teeny, tiny, little thought" that grew into a bigger and more bothersome thought that took over her mind.  

"It seemed like there was no more room in my head for anything but the one horrible thought." 

After many attempts, she was unable to get this big, negative thought out of her mind. When she acknowledged the thought, she was able to see that it wasn't as powerful as it appeared. Only then was she able to catch other thoughts that were more positive. When the negative thought started to come back, she simply acknowledged it and "gently pushed it to the side." This is an important insight in dealing with negative thoughts. They can't be forced out, but if they are acknowledged and consciously set aside, one is able to make room for accepting more positive thoughts. 

Through her empowering language, Ms. Clark demonstrates to children that they have a choice to change their negative self-talk. The illustrator, Summer Macon, does a wonderful job with the pictorial representation of the change in mood and behavior using color, facial expressions and actions that corresponds to pulling in positive thoughts. 

I strongly recommend this book to help children learn, and adults remember, the power they have over their thoughts. To reinforce the concept of replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, I have included an activity below. 

​To purchase the book or find fun activities, check out the author's website at 

https://bonnieclarkbooks.com/​

Activity Idea for Catching Thoughts

Materials needed:
-pen/pencil
-paper
-Balloons (various colors)
-Black permanent marker
​-string
-scissors
Directions:
1. Discuss negative thoughts with the child and write down some that they have.

2. Brainstorm how they can change those to positive thoughts. Be specific. 

Ex. Negative thought- "Everyone hates me. I don't have any friends."
Positive thought- "A couple kids are mean to me, but I have friends, like Alison and Jamar."  




3. Have child pick a color balloon for a negative thought and blow up balloon. 













​4. Write negative thought on balloon.













5. Have child pick a color balloon for a corresponding positive thought and blow up that balloon. 

6. Write positive thought on balloon.

​7. Continue doing the same with all of their thoughts.





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8. Cut strings and tie to balloons.










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9. Read thoughts together, talk about negative and positive ones and role-play pushing the negative ones aside and embracing the positive ones (actually have child give positive balloons hugs). 

10. You can also gather the happy thought balloons and toss them to eachother, to practice catching and embracing those positive thoughts! You can gather the negative thoughts and throw them to eachother, to practice pushing them away. 

11. As an ongoing practice, Parent/Therapist can help redirect the child when they say negative thoughts out loud, to replace them with the positive thoughts.
It takes practice! 
Have Fun!
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2 Comments

Ocean of Love

10/20/2020

6 Comments

 

A Book Review of Mama's Waves

Mama's Waves
Written by: Chandra Ghosh Ippen
Illustrated by: Erich Ippen Jr. 
Published by: Piplo Productions

Mama's Waves is a book for young children, ages 4-8, who are riding the waves of having a parent with severe emotional difficulties and/or substance abuse. Ellie, the young girl in this story, lives in foster care, but the book is appropriate for children who live with a relative or continue to live with the parent(s). The author, Chandra Ghosh Ippen, is spot-on with her descriptions of the feelings and experiences of children in this situation. The story is told in an empathetic manner providing coping skills and hope for children traumatized by a parent's severe difficulties. 
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These severe ups and downs that affect an adult's ability to parent their children are often caused by severe depression, bipolar disorder, other serious mental illness and/or substance abuse. Many of these difficulties may be due to the parent's own trauma experienced when they were a child. Ms. Ippen describes this well through a quote from Ellie's uncle about her mother, as follows: 

          "When we were growing up, things were pretty stormy. Her boat got tossed around
            by waves until the waves became a part of her." 


I have worked extensively with children living in these situations. Through this experience, I have learned that there are very few, if any, parents in this situation that don't love and yearn for their children. However, in many circumstances the children are not safe with them, so they are often removed and placed in a safe environment. In these instances, it is crucial for the child to get the message that the parent is not a bad person, but a person with problems that needs help. It is equally crucial for them to know that their parent loves them and will always love them, whether they are living with them or not. But, that they are unable to care for them due to their problems. One of my favorite quotes from the book explains this beautifully:

          "Your mama's dealing with big waves, but we won't let those waves wash away
           her magic and love." 

It is important to encourage the child to talk about their parent and express their feelings. Ellie's uncle plays a crucial role in this discussion by remembering together the "stormy days" and the "smooth sailing" days. Positive memories are something that the child can treasure forever, so remembering them is very therapeutic. In the book, Ellie remembers the "rainbow cookies" that she made with her mom. This also can provide a hint for the caregiver on activities that they can continue that will promote positive memories and comfort within the child. 

In the story, the foster parent made contact with the uncle to visit the child, as her mother missed their scheduled visit. It is not always possible to meet with other family members, but when it is, it can preserve those important family connections. It is extremely comforting for the child to meet with an appropriate relative that likely may feel the same love, pain and worry that the child does toward their parent. Ellie and her uncle share mutual worry for Ellie's mother and share a hope that she will get help. Kids often worry about their parent when separated, especially if they played a caregiver role to that parent when they were living with them. 

The illustrator, Erich Ippen Jr., portrays strong emotions through the facial expressions of the characters. The colorful sprinkles and rainbows throughout the book give a feeling of hope for the future. 

There are few books available on this all-too-common topic of parental mental illness/substance abuse and separation of the child. This book was published recently and is one of the best ones I have read on the topic. I strongly recommend this book for therapists, case workers, family caregivers and foster parents to provide insight and comfort to young children in this difficult situation. It is a great book to spark conversation regarding the child's specific experience. I have provided an art activity below to help get this conversation started. 

If you are interested in this book or other books by this author, please visit her website at  
https://piploproductions.com/​

Activity Idea for Mama's Waves

Materials Needed: 
​Large piece of paper (I cut mine from a roll)
Pencil
Scissors
Blue watercolor paint
Paint brush-medium
Dark color Markers
Directions:
1. Have child cut large square out of a roll of paper.



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​2. Have child fold paper in half. Adult can draw  half of a heart on the seam side of the paper, taking up the entire paper(see illustration).





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3. Have child cut out the folded heart. If the child is cutting, you might want to use a more child-friendly scissors!







4. Have child open the heart. Adult can build this up calling it magic!






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5. In pencil, adult can draw waves on heart, very high and
 very low. Try to fit in at least 4 waves(see illustration). 







6. Have child paint waves and let dry.









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7. Have child pick a happy color and a sad color from the markers. Make sure the colors are dark enough to show up. 
8. Discuss their memories of sad and scary times with the parent. Write this on bottom of waves for low points. 
9. Discuss their memories of happy and comforting times with the parent. Write these on the top of the waves for high points. 
10. Ask the child why they think you drew the waves inside the heart. Explain to them that their parent, even with their big problems and highs and lows, even if they are not able to take care of them, will always love and care about them and they will always be connected through their hearts. 

12. If you choose, have child draw, on the back of this heart or on a separate sheet of paper, their most special memory with the parent. Let them know that this is a treasure that they can keep in their heart forever and nobody can take this away from them. You can draw a heart around the picture or have them put heart stickers all over the drawing. 

13. For another book and activity to drive this heart connection home, I refer you to my first blog post from February, 2019 utilizing The Invisible String book. 


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6 Comments

Finding Peace, Finding Courage

9/23/2020

2 Comments

 

A Book Review of My Quiet Ship

My Quiet Ship
Written By: Hallee Adelman
Illustrated By: Sonia Sánchez
Published by: Albert Whitman & Company

Is there anything that happens in your life that gives you big feelings? Something that makes you want to escape because the feelings are so intense? There is for Quinn in this insightful book, My Quiet Ship, by Hallee Adelman. In this story, Quinn's parents argue a lot. It is loud, scary and intolerable for him. This makes him want to escape and his imagination has given him the perfect tool-a Space Ship! 
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Quinn becomes the commander of his Space Ship, directs his crew (stuffed animals), which gives him a sense of control in a situation in which he feels helpless and scared. Quinn's scary situation is his parent's loud arguing. This book can be helpful to kids in a variety of difficult situations, even if it is coping with their baby brother crying or sensory overload.

The Space Ship is a peaceful place where Quinn can go into his mind to help calm himself and to identify his feelings. The Space Ship is Quinn's haven. This book can encourage readers to use their own imaginations and create their own havens to help them cope. It is helpful for children and adults to pull themselves away from the source of their big feelings temporarily and try to find peace within themselves. It is similar to the concept of a Safe Space in schools where a child goes to a quieter part of the classroom with comforting objects in order to re-group, ponder and get in touch with their feelings. Quinn also tries to draw, which is another great coping mechanism to model to the reader.

In the story, the arguing became so loud and Quinn's feelings became so big, that his coping strategies no longer worked. Eventually, he gathered the strength to confront his parents and express himself about how their yelling was making him feel. This is important as others may not be aware of how their behavior is making you feel unless you tell them. Through the story, the author acknowledges the strength and bravery it takes to confront a situation and express your feelings. 

Expressing feelings is the most important part of this process. When Quinn expressed his feelings, it had the positive effect of making his parents aware and most importantly, getting his needs met. Quinn describes how his feelings are affecting his body, which is a great way for kid's to start to identify their own emotions. For example, "...from the sounds that hurt my ears and make my heart ache." and "...the sounds that make my stomach sick." Identification of feelings based on how it feels in your body is crucial. 

Through her illustrations, Sonia Sánchez gives the reader a sense of turmoil that is experienced  through Quinn. By the end of the story, Ms. Sánchez uses her illustrations to create a sense of calm in the reader. She captures the feelings of the characters very well, which pulls the reader in to the emotion of the story. 

I highly recommend this book for teaching coping skills and the importance of expressing feelings, especially with kids in difficult situations. It can lead to deeper conversations about what the reader experiences in their life, how they can cope and how they can use their skills to gain control over their situations.

I would like to caution readers on a couple of points in the story. Escaping through imagination excessively, without confronting and addressing the feelings, can become a maladaptive strategy to respond to trauma and lead to dissociative symptoms later in life. Additionally, there are trauma situations in which it would not be safe for the child to confront the adults about how they are feeling and could lead to further abuse. In this situation, help the child develop a list of other safe adults they can access for help, if the situation is out of hand and safety issues are prevalent. 

You can access Hallee Adelman's website to purchase her book or check out other books by this author at  https://halleeadelman.com/books/my-quiet-ship.        

Activity Idea for My Quiet Ship

Construct a Space Ship with the child as a means to explore events that make them want to escape and to help them identify related feelings. 

These questions may help get the exercise started. 
1. What is Quinn trying to escape from when he takes off in his Space Ship? 
2. What feelings does it give him when his parents argue? 
3. Do you ever feel a need to escape from something that gives you big feelings like Quinn? 
4. What big feelings do you have when that happens? 
5. What would be your best way to escape in your imagination?  
6. What could you do to make others aware of how you feel and to get what you need from them?
Materials Needed:
Empty toilet paper roll
cardstock or construction paper
red/orange tissue paper or construction paper
scissors
silicone or other strong glue
tape
markers or crayons
gems/stickers (optional)
​Directions:
1. Draw the wings on one of your pieces of paper.
Trace a straight line with the other paper, then
trace equal triangles on each side of the line.
2. Cut out the 2 triangles for the wings.




3. Draw a circle about 3.5 inches in circumference and cut it out.
4. Cut a line from the edge of the circle to the center. 




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​5. Fold the circle into a cone shape to fit on top of the toilet paper roll. Make a mark to show where the overlap ends so you can write on it without the words getting lost under the overlap. 





6. With the cone flattened, write what the child feels the need to escape from. Be sure to not write past the mark you made for the overlap. 





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7. Put glue on the overlap and fold into a cone shape again. Hold together until it sticks. 












8. Write the feelings the child experiences when the above event happens on the wings. 








​9. Glue the cone shape to the top of the toilet paper roll. 












​10. Glue the wings to the side of the toilet paper roll so they're flat against the table. If they won't stick with glue, you can tape them on the back. 











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11. Draw a door and window on the Space Ship. 










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12. Decorate the Space Ship with gems, stickers, drawings however the child wishes. Let them be creative!











13. Scrunch a small amount of red/orange tissue paper together and glue to the bottom inside of the Space Ship. If you don't have tissue paper, you can cut a fire shape out of red/orange construction paper and adhere. 









​14. Finished Project!

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2 Comments

Connected by Our Human-ness

8/20/2020

2 Comments

 

 A Book Review of
I Am Human A Book Of Empathy

I Am Human A Book of Empathy
Written By: Susan Verde
Illustrated By: Peter H. Reynolds
Published By: Abrams Books for Young Readers

Recognizing our connection to each other through our humanity and empathizing with the plight of others is key to making this world a better place. I Am Human introduces these concepts to the youngest among us. It has become clear through this pandemic and the Black Lives Matter movement that our culture is lacking empathy and the ability to put ourselves in someone else's shoes. Teaching our children the importance of human connection, acceptance and empathy towards others will go a long way in improving our culture. The ability to care about the impact of our actions and behaviors on others is crucial. 
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I Am Human sends an important message to all of us, but is most appropriate for children ages 3-8. Susan Verde skillfully weaves many layers into this simple book.

The larger take away is that we are all human. This sounds obvious, but the reality in this world is that is not how we treat each other. We are all human regardless of the color of our skin, different abilities, the country we are from, our religion or if we are from a poorer or richer part of town. We are all connected by our human-ness and are all unique in our own way. This book celebrates the human potential of feeling empathy and compassion toward ourselves and others.

The smaller messages relate to the fact that the human condition is imperfect. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and we should respect those things in ourselves and others. I Am Human is a hopeful book in that it portrays the journey of being human as having challenges and possibilities. We all have feelings that we express in different ways. Part of being human is being afraid of things sometimes or feeling sad occasionally or hurt or angry about something somebody said to you. We have the ability to make choices. We can apologize for our mistakes and try to do better. We can choose to be helpful to others if they are struggling or kind to ourselves. 

The art by Peter H. Reynolds is simple, yet beautiful. It shows the connection between others and hopefulness of the human condition. The book includes a Loving/Kindness Meditation at the end. 

I recommend this book for all children to teach them these human ideals from a young age and give them the reassurance and knowledge that they are part of something bigger and are not alone. It reinforces a sense of community that will help all of us get through difficult times. You can find this book and others in the I AM Series by Susan Verde and Peter H. Reynolds on her website at https://www.susanverde.com/susans-books. 

As an example of showing empathy toward others, I recommend this follow up book that reinforces the joy of helping others.
These Are My Pants
Written by: Jane and Katelyn Plank
Ilustrated by; Aniqa Ashfaq

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This is a self-published book, that is not only about the virtue of giving to others, but also sets an example for giving as a portion of the book proceeds go towards Goodwill. I encourage you to purchase this book and use it as an example of being human and showing empathy toward others.
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 Reading These Are My Pants provides an excellent opportunity to put the concept into action and have your child participate in an act of giving to others. It could be something of theirs that they are willing to give up to help others, something new that you buy together, or a service that the child can provide in the mission to help another human. Share the joy of giving with your child! 

To learn more about These Are My Pants and to purchase the book, go to their website at https://www.plankbooks.com/. 
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Activity Idea for I Am Human A Book Of Empathy

We are all connected with our human-ness, even though we are all unique in many ways. My suggestion is to pose two questions to your child after reading the book. 
What makes you human? 
What makes you unique? 
Use those ideas to complete the following activity.

Materials needed: 
8.5 x 11 paper or a roll of paper cut to the size of the child
markers or crayons
pencil

Directions: 
If you have a roll of paper that you could have the child lay on and trace them, this would be the funnest way to continue. I don't have a paper roll or a child with me, so I will draw the child on a regular size paper. Either way is fine. 
1. Have child lay on the paper on his/her back and trace around their body with a pencil. Then have child draw on and color their hair, eyes, clothes, etc. 
Or draw child outline on sheet of paper and have them color in details of themselves. Encourage them to make it look like their unique selves with hair color, skin color, eye color etc. Make sure to leave room around the drawing for writing. ​

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2. Write I AM HUMAN at the top of the page and label one side with human-ness and the other, unique.









2. Around the portrait of themselves, discuss and write the things that make them both human and unique. The photo shows some examples. 









3. Hang completed project on refrigerator or wall so they can see often. 











4. Share with the child how you are different and the same as them. Have fun! 
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2 Comments
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