A Book Review of When Grandma Gives You A Lemon Tree
Schools and day cares are closed, meaning time with friends, relationships with teachers, special school events and our day to day routines-CANCELLED. Extra classes and team sports-CANCELLED. Holidays with family and friends-CANCELLED. Playing with friends in the neighborhood-CANCELLED. Time with Grandma and Grandpa-CANCELLED. Their 5th birthday party-CANCELLED. And that doesn't even count Mom and Dad's disappointments! These disappointments and major changes in routine have a big impact on young children too, who don't fully understand why this is happening OR, more specifically, why so many things are NOT happening! In my practice, I have found that young children are usually adept at understanding and identifying general emotions, such as, happy, sad, scared, and mad, but are less adept at understanding more specific emotions such as DISAPPOINTMENT. Sure, we are all feeling all of those general emotions right now and disappointment can be a combination of some of those. However, the more specific a young child can be about understanding and articulating exactly how they are feeling, the less the likelihood of major meltdowns. Not to say, meltdowns are not going to happen, but an increased feelings' vocabulary will help to decrease the incidence and intensity of those meltdowns. For example, if a child's plan for a day at the beach is ruined due to the rain, if they are able to verbalize "I'm so disappointed that it's raining and we can't go to the beach," the fallout will be much less intense. When Grandma Gives You a Lemon Tree is a well-written, entertaining story for children ages 4-8. It breaks the 4th wall in writing, meaning it addresses the reader directly which pulls the reader into the story. The book is about a young girl with a birthday wish list, filled with many fun technology choices. However, on her birthday, she is surprised by her grandmother with none other than a . . . LEMON TREE! Needless to say, our protagonist was quite DISAPPOINTED. Ms. Deenihan, the author, uses much humor in discussing the appropriate response to give Grandma and what you should NOT do with the lemon tree. When our protagonist's friends are all playing with their technological toys, the lucky, lemon tree girl is learning to care for her lemon tree and is not particularly happy about it! The feelings in the book are depicted beautifully by the illustrator, Lorraine Rocha, which add much spunk to the story. Once the fruits of her labor start to appear, our main character starts to see the joy in a caring for a tree, and grandma teaches her what she can do with those fruits--make lemonade of course! Conveniently, the author shares a recipe for lemonade, so the readers can make it too! Our protagonist sells her lemonade, with the help of Grandma, through a lemonade stand, bringing joy to many in the community. And . . . she is able to use the money from the lemonade stand to . . . buy something on that long, NOT-forgotten birthday list! Literally, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade (and sell it!) Well, while shopping for her new technological toy, an added message is born in the book which fosters a sense of community and finding joy in activities outside of technology. I strongly recommend that you buy this book or borrow it from your local library(when you can!) to benefit from these amazing messages, especially during these tough times. Introduce the word "disappointment" to the child and discuss his/her specific disappointments since the Pandemic began. Share with them some of your own disappointments. I have added an activity below to go along with the story to help your child discuss his/her recent disappointments and ways of coping. Activity Idea for When Grandma Gives You A Lemon TreeFirst of all, MAKE LEMONADE! If you haven't had a chance to pick up the book yet, here is a recipe. https://wisconsinhomemaker.com/state-fair-lemonade-recipe/ Second of all, MAKE A LEMON TREE! Materials Needed: This month, since we can't really get out to buy supplies, we might have to improvise with the supply list. Use whatever you have around the house that will work-be creative! This project is a little more time consuming than many I have suggested in the past. Feel free to complete it over several days. -large paper or poster board -twig (Getting the kids outside to explore for a perfect "lemon tree" twig could be beneficial! If not, cut brown construction paper or paint a trunk.) -green tissue paper or construction paper cut into small squares -printed lemons https://www.freeprintable.com/print/free-printable-name-tags/lemon-tag -printed lemonade pitcher https://onemamasdailydrama.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/lemonade-color-savings.pdf -scissors -glue (strong glue or hot glue gun for twig and elmer's or glue stick for everything else) -black marker -crayons or markers -construction paper for pot -stickers (optional)
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A Book Review of Stay Through the Storm
Why would we broach the subject of suicide with young children? It's very painful for us to accept that suicide touches lives of young children, but it does. They may have teenage or adult relatives or friends that die due to suicide. They may have suicidal thoughts themselves or may even have made attempts. Even though successful suicides are rare in children below age 10, children as young as 5 years old have successfully committed suicide. Suicidal thoughts at a young age are a major predictor of later successful suicide. Therefore, it is important to address coping with these feelings from a young age. Joanna Rowland, the author, approaches this intense topic in an age-appropriate and gentle manner. Her theme throughout the book stresses the power of friendship to help us through life's storms. The story helps children understand the importance of reaching out or accepting the help of others when their lives feel full of darkness. "Stay" is a repeated word throughout the dialogue. "Stay" and allow me to care for you. Together we can conquer your hopeless, scared feelings. Tell me about your feelings, I will understand because I am human and I probably felt that way at one time or another too. This will end and we'll get to the other side of it together. If the feeling comes again, I will be here for you then too. This book is an example of humanity at its best. Through the illustrations, Lorian Tu, portrays hopefulness through vivid colors. The illustration of the fort on the cover and in the book supports the theme that you are safe and protected and can be helped through tough times. I highly recommend this book for all children, especially those who have been through or are going through dark and difficult times. This gentle, beautiful story provides coping skills, reassurance and hope to the youngest among us. Check out this author's website for excellent books on mental health and other topics for young children. https://www.writerrowland.com/ Activity Idea for Stay through the StormHave a discussion with your child after reading the book. The following questions can help. 1. If you were feeling really big feelings like sad, scared, confused, hopeless or worried, who would you want to be with you to help you(can be more than one person)? 2. How would that person(s) know you're having big feelings and that you want them to stay with you? 3. What do you think that person can do with you to help you feel cared about and safe? 4. Who do you think would want YOU with them if they were having really big feelings? After the discussion, make a fort/tent with the child and include their safe people inside the tent. Directions are below.
And... in the words of Mr. Rogers...
Welcome back to my blog for 2020!!! First things first. It is my Blog Birthday this month! It has been one year since I started this new endeavor. In honor of my Blog Birthday, I have christened my blog with the name of "Psyched Writer." This seemed appropriate for my overall website and the content of my blog. Why, you ask? I am super PSYCHED about reading, writing and reviewing Children's books with PSYCH content. My background is in PSYCH and I am super PSYCHED that you have joined me on this adventure. Please comment below if you have any comments or ideas for blog posts in 2020. Thanks for being here! Now, moving on to the first post of 2020 . . . A Book Review of A Feel Better Book for Little Tempers
However, eventually children need to get ahold of those BIG feelings and learn to regulate themselves and express those feelings in more socially acceptable ways. If they don't, they will likely have a lifetime of struggles. That is where our job as parents, therapist and teachers comes in. This book, A Feel Better Book for Little Tempers, is a great tool to help us with what seems like, at times, an insurmountable task. The sing-songy rhyme and fun, simple, writing style make this book appropriate for even the youngest of temper throwers! My favorite thing about the structure of this book is that it uses the point of view of what writers(and actors) call "breaking the fourth wall." This means that the authors are talking directly to the reader. This technique draws children into the story and encourages them to participate. This writing style is very useful for this book as it encourages children to talk about their anger and practice the calming techniques. This book is appropriate for young children ages 3 - 6. The illustrator, Shirley Ng-Benitez, has created colorful, vivid illustrations that also pull the youngest readers into the book. The feel of the illustrations are calming, but active, which is exactly what needs to be expressed through this book. She created strong facial expressions on the characters which will help young readers with the important skill of recognizing feelings on others. Through this book, Holly Brochmann and Leah Bowen, have done a wonderful job in covering all the bases of helping children with their angry feelings. The following concepts are covered in the book: 1. A description of what it may feel like in your body when you are angry. "...your ears are quite hot and your cheeks are all red." 2. A definition of temper with very helpful illustrations that further clarify the explanation. 3. Examples of specific behaviors the child may use to express their angry feelings. "You try stomping your feet, maybe a scream or a shout..." 4. Validation and normalization of the feelings of anger. "...It's not only you who has tantrums to throw." 5. Age appropriate suggestions of calming techniques, including movement, sensory pressure (giving yourself a hug), muscle relaxation, deep breathing, etc. The suggestions include physical activity along with imagery which is very useful. A Feel Better Book for Little Tempers reinforces that it is okay to get angry if you know how to express it appropriately. It is written in a gentle, supportive manner that gives little ones the message that they are not alone with their anger and an adult is there to help them. "...Let's practice together, just you and I." The authors empower young readers with the message that they have the ability to take charge of their anger. It shows a sense of pride among the children in the book when they practice the skills. The child likely will not be receptive to this book in the throws of a temper. We sure don't want the book to go flying across the room or have pages ripped out! My suggestion in utilizing this book is to read it regularly when the child is calm. Therefore, when the child does become angry, they are prepared and familiar with what to do. Reminding them and working with them when angry on the strategies presented in this book will go much better if they have the knowledge behind them. With all the above in mind, there is one crucial technique in helping a child with BIG feelings. That is to name the feeling(s), help the child explain why they are having that feeling, and validate it. This simple technique goes a long way in helping to calm little ones and to teach them about their feelings. By the way, this is very helpful for adults as well! The book includes a Note to Parents and Caregivers which is very thorough and helpful in understanding and dealing with a child's temper. I have included an activity below to reinforce the concepts in this book. To learn more about these authors and other Feel Better Books in this series, check out this link to read an interview. https://maginationpress.apabooks.org/?p=1254 Activity Idea for A Feel Better Book for Little TempersThis book provides valuable strategies for young readers to help control their BIG feelings. It will be helpful for the adult to practice these strategies together with the child often. It is also a great idea to model using these strategies in front of your kids when you, yourself, become angry. A technique I have used often in my practice with young children is to utilize role playing techniques to practice important skills. This is like "pretending" and very enjoyable for young children. But first, we need to make a visual aid together. Materials Needed: Stop sign template http://www.supercoloring.com/coloring-pages/stop-sign Sturdy card stock paper Scissors Markers or crayons Glue craft stick Role Playing Exercise
1. Let the child know that you'd like to play a game of pretend. 2. Tell the child that you are both going to take turns pretending to make the other person angry and practice how to handle your anger. 3. The adult starts and, for example, may give the child a toy and then grab it away from them. 4. The adult holds up the handmade STOP sign in front of the child (Giving the message that you stop and think first before reacting). 5. The adult then says "How are you feeling?" or "How did that make you feel?" 6. For younger children you may have feeling pictures nearby so they can choose. 7. Acknowledge their feeling(s) and state how it would have made YOU feel if it happened to you. Maybe ask if it ever happened to them before or tell them about a time that it happened to you and how it worked out. 8. Ask the child "Is it okay to feel that feeling?" "Would it be okay to hit me or call me names?" "Why not?" 9. The adult then asks the child "What can you do instead to calm yourself down?" Show them the options in the book as ideas if necessary. 10. Practice the skill they picked together. 11. Ask how they are feeling after you complete the practice. If they are still feeling angry, have them pick another technique from the book and practice that one together. 12. Provide much positive feedback to the child when practicing the techniques. 13. Now it's the child's turn to make YOU feel angry. Coach them through this. Make sure they hold up the stop sign for you after they make you angry. Handle it inappropriately at first (for example, you can yell or say "You're not my friend anymore!" so they can remind you what you can do. Practice the skill together. 14. Make it fun! A Book Review of The Elephant in the Room- |
The Elephant in the Room A Lockdown Story Written by: Alicia Stenard Illustrated by: Greg Matusic As a child therapist that specializes in trauma in young children, I have strong feelings about school lockdown drills, especially for the Pre-K, K, 1st and 2nd grade age group. I often ponder the question, Is it really necessary to traumatize our children in this way? How can we keep our children safe from societal threats without traumatizing them further? To put ourselves in the place of our children, I'd like to start this blog post by having you imagine the following scenario. |
You're 5 years old. You're new to this school experience. You're away from your family all day for five days per week, maybe for the first time in your life. Everything feels new to you. You're very excited about your new Elsa backpack and matching light-up school shoes. But, maybe a little nervous, scared and unsure of what this school thing is going to be like. You're paying close attention to the adults and the environment to make sure it's a safe place for you. You really like your teacher. She is very kind and funny. After the first couple weeks of school, you're just starting to feel like you can trust her and that this is a safe place. After all, your parents wouldn't send you here unless it was safe, right?
Then one day a loud sound goes off in the hallway that hurts your ears. The teacher says not to worry that this is just a practice lockdown drill. She tells you that the whole school has to practice this drill in case a dangerous person comes into the building and tries to harm everyone. But, don't worry she says, "the likelihood of this happening at our school is very small." She locks the door to the classroom, turns off the lights, maybe puts a barricade in front of the door, instructs you on where to hide, and stresses that you must not make a sound. By the tone of the teacher's voice, you can tell that this is very serious and that you better listen and do what she says. You stay in that hiding place for what seems like an hour, but is probably only a few minutes until you hear the announcement that the lockdown drill is over. Then you are instructed to get back to your schoolwork.
After putting yourself in those light-up Elsa shoes, how do you feel? As a 5 year old, does even the slim possibility of a bad guy coming into your school terrify you to your core? Especially when you are not around your caregivers that you trust to protect you? Did you even hear or understand the part when the teacher said this is not likely to happen? Do you feel confident that you have the capability to sit still for an unknown period of time and not make a sound? What if you sneeze, get the hiccups, have to go to the bathroom, or giggle when your friend does something silly? Will the bad guy get you then? After all that happens, are you able to go right back to your letter sound paper and be able to think of which pictures start with that letter? Are you wondering now where your mom is and why she sent you to this place where bad guys come? Are you wondering now if this school place is safe, after all?
In 2019, 95% of public schools and many private schools practice mandatory lockdown drills. The methods for lockdown vary widely, with some methods being more traumatizing than others. But, make no mistake, ALL methods are damaging to our children. Anxiety in young children is at an all-time high and these procedures are exacerbating this issue. Besides young children, children with trauma histories and special needs are especially vulnerable to trauma from these procedures.
As a therapist, my usual mode of handling difficult explanations with young children, is to be honest and provide just enough information that they can developmentally understand and process. However, this lockdown situation feels different to me. I feel that just the vague and simple explanation of the possibility of a bad guy entering the school and hurting them is inappropriate and unduly frightening to young children. Therefore, I feel that an age-appropriate fantasy situation in order to review this mandatory procedure with them is appropriate.
A friend of mine and kindergarten teacher, Alicia Stenard, put on her light-up Elsa shoes and struggled to perform these mandatory drills with her students. She became very concerned that their first experiences with school were going to be scary ones and that her precious, young students would experience fear and anxiety, even after school. Due to this concern, she came up with an idea to minimize the trauma for her students. She took into account the playfulness and imagination of children of this age and made up a story to get her students through these drills. This way, she was able to perform the mandatory functions of the lockdown drill without telling the "Why?" of the drills, which they are too young to process. Ms. Stenard found so much success in using this process with her students, she decided to publish her story, The Elephant in the Room, as a means of helping other teachers, school staff and parents protect their students from this traumatic experience.
In this adorable story, Ms. Stenard tells a tale of a circus train that gets flat tires in front of a school. The animals escape from their cages and barge into the school. They are hungry and want to steal the children's peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. After all, the children are celebrating National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day and of course, elephants and monkeys LOVE peanuts! The children are then instructed to go through the procedures of a lockdown drill to prevent the animals from stealing their sandwiches. Eventually, the clowns are able to lure the animals back into the circus train and all is well. The illustations done by Mr. Matusic are charming and fun! Through this story, Ms. Stenard is able to review the components of a lockdown drill in an age-appropriate manner, without frightening the children.
This important book is a MUST HAVE for ALL teachers and parents of students in primary elementary grades. I encourage teachers to read it aloud in their classrooms and use it as a tool to perform their lockdown drills. I recommend this book to parents who feel helpless as their children have to endure this traumatic experience at school. It can be useful, even if not used in their school, to provide an entertaining alternative that children can imagine during the school lockdowns. I encourage all parents to advocate the use of this book to their children's teachers and school administrators to help protect our children from further trauma. I look forward to the day when we, as a society, can move forward on a solution to end gun violence in our schools and the need for these drills, and this book, is totally eliminated.
Mr. Matusik and Ms. Stenard have developed an activity book that can be used as an addition to a lesson plan for lockdown drills to go along with the readings of The Elephant in the Room. To learn more about the issue of lockdown drills and how these resources can help, check out the author's website at https://aliciastenard.com/.
The book is available for purchase at
https://www.amazon.com/Elephant-Room-Lockdown-Story/dp/1733992960/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1576190813&sr=8-2
Then one day a loud sound goes off in the hallway that hurts your ears. The teacher says not to worry that this is just a practice lockdown drill. She tells you that the whole school has to practice this drill in case a dangerous person comes into the building and tries to harm everyone. But, don't worry she says, "the likelihood of this happening at our school is very small." She locks the door to the classroom, turns off the lights, maybe puts a barricade in front of the door, instructs you on where to hide, and stresses that you must not make a sound. By the tone of the teacher's voice, you can tell that this is very serious and that you better listen and do what she says. You stay in that hiding place for what seems like an hour, but is probably only a few minutes until you hear the announcement that the lockdown drill is over. Then you are instructed to get back to your schoolwork.
After putting yourself in those light-up Elsa shoes, how do you feel? As a 5 year old, does even the slim possibility of a bad guy coming into your school terrify you to your core? Especially when you are not around your caregivers that you trust to protect you? Did you even hear or understand the part when the teacher said this is not likely to happen? Do you feel confident that you have the capability to sit still for an unknown period of time and not make a sound? What if you sneeze, get the hiccups, have to go to the bathroom, or giggle when your friend does something silly? Will the bad guy get you then? After all that happens, are you able to go right back to your letter sound paper and be able to think of which pictures start with that letter? Are you wondering now where your mom is and why she sent you to this place where bad guys come? Are you wondering now if this school place is safe, after all?
In 2019, 95% of public schools and many private schools practice mandatory lockdown drills. The methods for lockdown vary widely, with some methods being more traumatizing than others. But, make no mistake, ALL methods are damaging to our children. Anxiety in young children is at an all-time high and these procedures are exacerbating this issue. Besides young children, children with trauma histories and special needs are especially vulnerable to trauma from these procedures.
As a therapist, my usual mode of handling difficult explanations with young children, is to be honest and provide just enough information that they can developmentally understand and process. However, this lockdown situation feels different to me. I feel that just the vague and simple explanation of the possibility of a bad guy entering the school and hurting them is inappropriate and unduly frightening to young children. Therefore, I feel that an age-appropriate fantasy situation in order to review this mandatory procedure with them is appropriate.
A friend of mine and kindergarten teacher, Alicia Stenard, put on her light-up Elsa shoes and struggled to perform these mandatory drills with her students. She became very concerned that their first experiences with school were going to be scary ones and that her precious, young students would experience fear and anxiety, even after school. Due to this concern, she came up with an idea to minimize the trauma for her students. She took into account the playfulness and imagination of children of this age and made up a story to get her students through these drills. This way, she was able to perform the mandatory functions of the lockdown drill without telling the "Why?" of the drills, which they are too young to process. Ms. Stenard found so much success in using this process with her students, she decided to publish her story, The Elephant in the Room, as a means of helping other teachers, school staff and parents protect their students from this traumatic experience.
In this adorable story, Ms. Stenard tells a tale of a circus train that gets flat tires in front of a school. The animals escape from their cages and barge into the school. They are hungry and want to steal the children's peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. After all, the children are celebrating National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day and of course, elephants and monkeys LOVE peanuts! The children are then instructed to go through the procedures of a lockdown drill to prevent the animals from stealing their sandwiches. Eventually, the clowns are able to lure the animals back into the circus train and all is well. The illustations done by Mr. Matusic are charming and fun! Through this story, Ms. Stenard is able to review the components of a lockdown drill in an age-appropriate manner, without frightening the children.
This important book is a MUST HAVE for ALL teachers and parents of students in primary elementary grades. I encourage teachers to read it aloud in their classrooms and use it as a tool to perform their lockdown drills. I recommend this book to parents who feel helpless as their children have to endure this traumatic experience at school. It can be useful, even if not used in their school, to provide an entertaining alternative that children can imagine during the school lockdowns. I encourage all parents to advocate the use of this book to their children's teachers and school administrators to help protect our children from further trauma. I look forward to the day when we, as a society, can move forward on a solution to end gun violence in our schools and the need for these drills, and this book, is totally eliminated.
Mr. Matusik and Ms. Stenard have developed an activity book that can be used as an addition to a lesson plan for lockdown drills to go along with the readings of The Elephant in the Room. To learn more about the issue of lockdown drills and how these resources can help, check out the author's website at https://aliciastenard.com/.
The book is available for purchase at
https://www.amazon.com/Elephant-Room-Lockdown-Story/dp/1733992960/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1576190813&sr=8-2
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